fagmarx:

andy warhol about to completely destroy pop art

(via scorpius-rising)

birthcharts:

everyone on here is like “ooo bandersnatch” and “ahh birdbox” well guess what……. look at this fat ass cat

(via gainux)

bladefights:

I think I want my next piercing to be through my heart with a wooden stake

(Source: dangercocks, via disgustedscully)

Being angry is so exhausting. 

It’s like, when I was in the relationship, I didn’t have time to be mad because I was so sad and terrified. And now I’m sad and angry and I am having such a hard time dealing with all of this mental bullshit. 

I was thinking earlier today about how T used to ask me if my friends were really my friends; as in like, he’d question how well we really knew each other and if they really cared about me. He never directly stated that he cared about me more than they did, and he never directly told me not to hang out with my friends, but he absolutely did try to make me second guess myself about it. 

Thankfully, I didn’t ever really believe him on that front - I think one of the reasons we fought so much was because I was consistently challenging him - but I spent so much time convincing myself and honestly just believing that it was coming from a place of insecurity on his own part. Like, he maybe didn’t feel like he had the same kind of friendships and was jealous; I didn’t even stop to think that maybe he was purposefully trying to manipulate me, because that reality hurt too much to think about. 

But here we are. 

And I’m realizing more and more that all this manipulation I had hoped was subconscious was probably very much not - and that it was most likely very much premeditated - 

and it just breaks my gddamn heart. All over again. 

I broke up with him a year and a couple weeks ago, and we’re still mentally here. I’m just fucking exhausted and I’m over it. The only chains that bind me, at this point, are the ones I’m putting on myself. I’m not being hurt anymore, I’m not being abused anymore, I’m not there. 

But T also used to say that nobody would ever love me like he did and I think, deep down, there is a part of me that honestly believes and is scared that that’s true. That no other person on this planet will really value me or love me the way I deserve. It’s an extreme thought; it’s not logical, and it’s honestly delusional, but there’s still this little girl inside of me who’s just so terrified of not being wanted. 

I wish it weren’t true. I hate that it is. I try to be non judgmental of myself and to listen to my demons, but god. 

I’m just really having a hard time. Tonight is a bad grief night. 

karizpy:

“is there a special someone in your life? :)”

(via contra-a-minha-vontade)

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